FWS: foodwatershelter: 2008

18.06.08

My challenge for this blog is to not whinge, but to detail objectively.

Strap yourselves in – when fired up, I rarely bother to locate the objective organ…Hence the sweet little disclaimer at the top of this blog. Mainly implemented because I said shithead once. I’ll likely be saying it again soon, probably many times, so sign out now if you’re not up for it.

And those staying, remember that I’m a whole person by myself. Real, live, just like you. Separate from fws. So separate me accordingly and read this blog as it is. A rant from Rebecka, that is likely to be highly unsupported by the calmer contingency of the fws organisation. I stand alone…in many ways, as you’ll see…

Right, onwards.

The whinge? For four weeks I’ve been trying to cope with the fact that Daz’s imac laptop, the one I use day in day out to run fws and to do a considerable amount of my work as kesho leo manager here has died. Kufa. Kaput. Ain’t Jesus, ain’t coming back. Catchya later, DelFONCE (not my real name, just one we use when we’ve stuffed up and think ourselves to be a bit of an eeejet). Imac gone, expletive, expletive, expletive.

I’ve tried to be graceful about it (apart from the expletives). As my friends and family will testify, grace is not a natural achievement of mine. Colourful, highly theatrical outbursts that leave bystanders scratching their head are more my speciality. Still, I’ve told myself that there is a reason for my computer dying the month I finally managed to feel like I was on top of things. On top, such an understatement. I was certifably going off, absolutely on fire, too organised to touch, kingess of the world. Catch me if you can.

Yes, yes, I back up my computer documents on an external hard-drive. Shoosh with that reprimanding. Don’t bore me with shoulda-couldas. I just didn’t happen to back up enough in the month of magnificent achievements and prolific creative genius, okay? Granted, nobody saw these 80 wonders of the world copyrighted to one Rebecka Mastermind Delf-not-yet-FONCE, for they were in my head – and according to an unspoken agreement with my imac – also backed up in his big desktop brain. Clearly my ideas were far too wieldy for him, lauded artificial intelligence of the future, to sit comfortably with. Obviously, my brain scared the bejezis outta his brain. I thought we’d agreed to support each other. Wimp.

I on the otherhand, am not a wimp. And my intelligence is not artificial. So immediately, I began to recreate, re-envision, re-disseminate. Silly me. I relied on another computer, a mere PC (yeh, hate ‘em – the world’s most cumbersome piece of tom-foolery mac-hinery. Tune in, waste hours, drop out, start again tomorrow, thanks Bill”), to pick up where my genius streamlined imac bowed out. Naturally, in-fighting occurred and the PC and I are at a stand off. The PC, who called Gmail and Microsoft software to unite forces against me, is lucky not to have been buried in the sloppy heap of cowdung that sits across the road.

Mountain, molehill? Your call. But first chuck this shoe on: try to preside over fws Australia from Tanzania without a computer or email. Do the volunteers based in Australia, whom I’ve asked many a deadlined favour from, wonder why I don’t return their question-packed emails? Do they write fws off as inefficient and disorganised? I would. Let’s hope they show more mercy. Do my parents and lil bro know I’m alive? (probably, but only because they’re psychic). Do my friends realise I’d like to respond to their terrific action-packed emails? (probably not, they generally think I’m theatrical, hard to pin down and unceremoniously rude).

This “specially just for you” frustration is a journey I’ve watched every one of the Kesho Crew travel through – alone.

Daz when he couldn’t think/find/research a solution to the “dodgey ply” drama… I listened to him lament, but I couldn’t solve his issues. Primarily, he suffered alone.
Ditto for Heather when she first arrived and had sooo much lesson planning to do and had yet to establish a relationship with the mamas – when they questioned her facts and information. Primarily, she suffered alone.
And now me with this stupid imac debacle.

We all work together but we are such a small team that we can only support each other to a limited extent. At the end of the day, the journey of frustration is ours to figure out ourselves. People can’t really feel your pain. How do we deal with the restrictions and limitations placed on us by events outside our area of control? Gracefully, patiently, courageously, ferociously, childishly? I’ve seen all gamuts. Clearly I’m sitting down the latter end of the EQ scale (emotional intelligence quotient) on this one.

And that brings the question: Must we all continue to try and find grace under fire? Or do we just say “Shithead, shithead, shithead, this is me, this is (apparently) how I act, three weeks down, when I’m completely utterly entirely bankrupt of finding a solution, what of it, shuddup!”?

And another, no less philosophical question might be: do technology designers really design things to break 2 minutes after their warranty is up? And pray tell, where might the ethics in that be? Is it even legal? Admittedly, I don’t care much when it’s corporate computers that are dying left, right and centre…but when you’re working for free, trying to do something useful in a developing country and the heads on your imac’s hardrive wear out, causing the whole hard-drive and all your work to be lost… by design…exactly one month after warranty expires, so you’re forced to buy another… you’ve gotta ask what morally bereft IQ-without-EQ types are running this technology driven world?

I’m up for your answers. Be as blunt as you like, and feel free to swear. It will make me like you better. (so mature!)

Okay, good news; the solo whinge-off has drawn to a close, died its natural death.

Aaaaaand even gooder news: While I’ve been wallowing in the mire, the project is going stunningly! Truly. Check the pix!

Positive blog coming up – next time, promise!

Beck MM DelFONCE. xx